The Betrayel of the boy - The father initiates

This following text is something I can take responsablity for today, and perhaps tomorrow..

After that, I don’t know, I might have changed my mind, or learned something new..

In other words, its alive..

All is what I have or am living, I recognize myself in all mentioned

I have said more than I wanted on some things, and less on others

The necessary wound, the awakening from sleep, happens from, and through the wound.

It has already happened..

The wound..

The pain that we are to carry for the rest of our days..

In that pain lies our chance of living with, a innate joy..

Or the very likely potential of numbing,

which was the equipped defense we developed because when it hit because we didn’t have the skills or the size to do other

When/if we begin the conscious search for ‘healing’ in other words if we choose to start looking

At it’s root is what Robert bly called ‘Betrayal’ we feel that the world isn’t what It was laid out to be.

By our parents, Disney, or by the standards of the soul, which comes from oneness

When the boy enters the world without having been brought through initiation

( a ritual of death or applied wound to the boy, a ritual where the boy has to prove himself to himself, through the eyes of an elder)

(An elder is someone who has been through initiation himself, who has looked death in the eye and forgiven, and thus has a twinkle in the eye..)

When the boy returns from his initiation, he is welcomed back as a Man by other men and woman in his community

Without this conscious ritual there is a big potential that he gets stuck in-between -

Not knowing if he is man yet, or if he is still a boy..

The feeling is

What did I do to deserve to be a man..?

And

When is the shift in today’s society?

License to drive? Getting out of school..? When?

Responsibility seems pretty boring, if you ask me..

Adulthood is working, bills and perhaps getting a bit ‘wild’ in the weekend, whatever your wild is..

The initiated and the passive/naive male:

The man who has gone through initiation has a conscious relationship to the trickster (Thus the twinkle in the eye)

The naive man, says ‘whats the matter honey?’

He needs time to figure out what he did wrong..

The initiated takes action, there is a swiftness to him, which is a quality of the trickster, the God of timing..

The naive boy is dreamy..

When this happens, things will be better

You can call him passive, not taking action, but rather he tries to feel her, and what she wants..

There is a time for that, but rowdiness is what shakes things up..

Makes things exiting..

Rowdy to express what he actually wants

Without the

‘I don’t know, what do you want?’

Instead he say’s ‘are you with me?’ With an open palm

Course might change, but there is a confidence, a playfulness with life..

This playfulness comes with the recognition and forgiveness of the wound,

the initiation

I hear it again and again..

Depression hits in the mid 30’s

Mine hit early, already 24 and I was like what the fu..cc k

The man trying to solve this, hits the gym.. new diet, a new sleep app or

if I was just in the right relationship..

But it just like it doesn’t touch the spot..

I did the right thing for me, and left everything..

That was needed for me at that point..

The wound is there, like a shadow, always getting closer, in every quiet moment..

And there is layers to it

forever unresolved

If we don’t look at:

Then we avoid the quiet moment, and fill our time with distractions, until the last moment of sleep

Fear of death..

Letting go of our wound as the controller is death..

The wound has been with us for 30+ years, is our identity

Letting go of that, would mean we would have to take that F’in responsibility

And so

Death can mean to open up, get on your knees and declare your love to your woman..

Death can be to leave work in the middle of the day and take a bus to Amsterdam at 21.00 in the night to live there.. ( did that)

Death can be to scream ‘fuck it I have had enough!’

Notice how much life there is in death..

Not dying just means a slow death

Unavoidable avoidance to the continuous happening of death..

It becomes like just trying to keep the head over water, doing your best to conserve energy like treading water with the belief that there will be a resolution at some point if I just stick around here, long enough ..

But life is not about just making it through, life is active participation.

Floating in the middle of the ocean with the realization that you will never get saved

So you gulp in a deep breath and dive deep into the dark ocean

Into the unknown

You feel the intensity of your lungs capacity challenged to by the weight of the water to hold air

While you take another stroke under water, you feel the pressure in your head, and chest

Your hands and feet pushing through the resistance of water

You doubt for a short moment if you should have returned to the surface instead..

But you let go in trust

And for a moment glide, without effort, carried by your efforts of past motion, and the water that meets your body in the unknown

Immense stillness

A moment where awareness is inside and outside at the same time

A moment of play in the absolute vastness of life’s incompleteness

You roll and turn your body and glide upwards,

slowly reaching the light surface, you feel the intense building desire to breath again

and then..

You brake through and take a new deep inhale, heart pounding..

Every cell simmering with life in ecstatic celebration..

A part of you more willing to die now..

Life as active participation

this is what happens through initiation..

A choice is made in that moment

and men need to have a feeling that they have earned their place

their right to be here

that we are needed..

And that feeling only comes from self effort

Mondane protection of the heart is the passive male..

‘Can I just sneak my way through life without ever really having the taste.. ‘

‘Can I sleep my way through unharmed, untouched, with no scratches.. ‘

‘Can I numb my way through by means of finding the perfect balance of distractions..’

There is an old greek story

When a man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven he is checked for scars on his body,

If he has non,

he is sent back

The father initiates..

Men’s work often works with the father wound, and we all carry that wound, aware or not..

That moment our father..

You know of what moment I am talking?

We can use that wound to blame and be a victim of..

Or we can realize that he did his part by showing us that the world will not catch us,

we are the ones who hasto stand on our own feet..

I have been initiated by my father several times, he showed me aggression, violence, disappointment..

And I am gratefully in pain for them, now..

His job is to awaken us from the illusion that the world is a nice place where things are just good..

He risks his relationship to us, for that lesson

You will be hurt by the people closest to you, that don’t mean you have to close your heart..

This is why the welcome back from the community is so important

‘You went through your struggles and we celebrate your return with your wounded opened heart, here is some warm soup’

He is not the pillar to where I can nestle myself up and trust

ah a..

I am..

She wants that, because she loves life, and her deep love for life created him, to wreck things up with his strength, and his prowess

His King alive, genrous, fierce and deadly but compassionate and loving

Every action for her, not in the direct, but for the big Her - Pachamama

His reward is to see her love

To have created the field of his kingdom where she can fully love..

her children play..

her flowers bloom..

That is his payment

Not Netflix and chocolate on the couch every day.

Perhaps one day, but not every fucking day, come on man!

;)